I have always loved routine and habit-forming. I remember having particular routines in late elementary school like packing my lunch and putting out my outfit (lots of colour, obviously!) the night before non-uniform days. In high school & university, those routines were survival; related to keeping afloat with my studies while trying to maintain a certain lifestyle, friendships, a relationship, family responsibilities and a part-time job. Looking back, I realize now that my most prominent routine was keeping busy. And for years, I did not see anything wrong with that.
But a prayer routine? That seemed out of reach and ignorantly, too hard. I told myself I didn’t have time. Somehow, I hesitated at the loss of sleep in the morning or the loss of time at night – yet I would be finishing classes at 9pm or hangouts with friends much later. But of course, we make time for what matters to us.
What prompted me to spend time with Jesus was when I hit rock bottom about five years ago as much as rock bottom was in your 20s; university and my two-year long thesis was ending, an unpredictable future of grad school approaching & I was going through some personal losses. And COVID struck – we were all stuck at home so unsure of the future, collectively impacted greatly with all the tensions, rule changes and lack of community that we all felt in our hearts.
It began as a restart for me; this forced slowness of reality. Because we were at home and I was working and doing school online, there seemed to be a slowness entering my life that had never been there before. And truly, I welcomed it; perhaps I even craved it. In the same vein, I noticed that if I was not intentional, I could fill my days with online shopping, TV watching and other things that did not match the person I desired to be. So, I thought honestly, why not give this practice a go? It wasn’t technically a prayer routine; rather, it began as a new growth habit I wanted to try.
And so, I started getting up early each morning, grabbing coffee from the pot my parents made. I would stay in my PJs and listen to music, read and sometimes pick up my Bible. In all honesty, for the first few weeks of doing this, it did not feel like prayer time, it simply felt like a mindfulness routine. I wasn’t talking to Him; I was quieting the years of noise in my head. I realized how much I enjoyed starting my day with my own thoughts, my pen and my journal. It promoted a sense of peace throughout the day. As an introvert, it gave me time each morning to recharge, somehow loving people better throughout the day.
However, the Lord knew what He was doing when He slowed me down before revealing other things during our time together. The first time it felt like a prayer routine was on a sunny, summer day. I suddenly felt like I was not alone in the room but I was not scared at all. I had this sense that someone was present with me. I felt like I heard Him for the first time tell me He loved me and He was proud of me; not in the typical way you may have heard it from friends and family members when you were growing up, but in a way that felt more romantic, genuine. I felt like for the first time, I could pick up a tone in His voice; before, He was sort of monotone. It made me cry, then laugh. Then laugh-cry.
The next few years, I had coffee dates in the morning with Jesus. My prayer routine has changed; it has fallen apart and come back again. For example, when I was going through a harsh breakup, my prayer time in the morning was sometimes hours at a time with my Bible; after doing a counselling session at 7am over Zoom. When I was discerning marriage with my now-husband, it was a lot of journaling and even talking out loud and less studying the Scriptures. When I was planning a wedding while finishing a masters’ degree, it was a lot less time.
Most of my prayers were not reflective at all, simply, “Jesus. Help me survive the day in peace & joy”. Consistent, in the morning but not lengthy at all. During this time as well, my car became my sanctuary because I was driving around so much. I would pop on praise and worship and sometimes have one hand up as I was driving to the next venue or tasting session.
I believe God is a good Father and because of that, He delights in our mere efforts not simply outcomes. For the most part, I am up and praying for one hour before work (okay, 5 minutes of that hour, I am making coffee and rubbing my sleepy eyes).
Since becoming consistent with my prayer routine (I will say it is simply getting up earlier before work), I have noticed changes in myself, my behaviour and my lenses of the world. Firstly, there is an incredible resistance towards busyness and too much noise and an intentional effort to get silence, solitude and slowness in my daily life. I notice when I am rushing or thinking too deeply about things not of Jesus, I start noticing some of the idols in my life; things I thought about more than I thought about God.
I feel I have noticed an increase in the gifts and fruits of the Spirit. I have more patience for things that used to send me over the edge. I find I am gentler in my conduct with human beings, especially those in my life that are harder for me to love for whatever reason.
What makes me most excited with my prayer life now, is being on the “offense” in prayer. I have started offering up rosaries and novenas for the conversion of hearts or those in my life that I know do not know Jesus. I am also nervous about what my prayer routine will be like as a mom to a newborn this summer. My prayer time has become a time so precious to me that I am wondering how it will change when the baby comes.
However, God remains a good and loving Father who seems to simply delight in my effort. And He is a multiplier. What time I do have to give and choose to give to Him, He will increase it one-hundred fold.
